My deep, dark secret
The reason I can take calls involving some of the sickest fantasies is that I have some pretty damn sick fantasies myself.
And I know that if you're a person with self-control, and you know that, no matter what the fantasy is, you need your playmate(s) to be a) old enough (of legal age), even if they, uh, aren't dressed that way, and b) consenting, then you're gonna be okay. Most people with age and/or nonconsent fantasies know them for fantasies, and don't act on them.
Also, a lot of people have fantasies about consensual, legal things that they still don't plan to act on for whatever reason... maybe they're not really into the same sex that much, but they like to think about it, or maybe they fantasize about a no-holes-barred gangbang but they're too nervous to ever arrange one. And then of course there's the soreness issue.
People fantasize every day about killing their bosses, raping or being raped, being intergalactic spies, or tying up and torturing somebody who really pissed them off. Most people have had a fantasy, whether sexual or not, about something they don't really want to do (or have done to them). Most people have self-control and most people can stop themselves from committing illegal and harmful acts.
Sure, a few years ago that whole powerless in the face of your physical/mental/emotional illness or dysfunction was glamourized. "I'm not strong enough, I can't help it" was a mantra. I think we're over that now.
Most people who play video games don't kill people, most people who watch porn don't rape people, and even most people who fantasize about forced sex don't force sex on people. (What we do know about force fantasies and rapists shows that violent behavior or lack of impulse control is a better indicator than fantasizing about rape.) Most people don't kill, rape, or intentionally, severely hurt people, period.
Let's see... I've fantasized about nonconsent, both giving and receiving. I've fantasized about sexually torturing people. I thought the kid who plays Harry Potter was very sexy when he was a yummy, jailbait 14. I have never, and will never, act(ed) on any of these (maybe unfortunately on that last one- hehe). Instead I rescue stray kittens and make my friends chicken soup when they're sick. I was a quiet honor student who loved SF/F books and Disney movies and barely dated all through high school. Et cetera.
I talk to guys with similar fantasies (replacing Harry Potter with me as a cute teen). Most guys, when you talk to them, you can tell they know how to draw the line. There are a couple- and just a couple, one or two- guys I talk to that don't seem to have a total grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality, but in their cases, I'm not sure how much of that is them thinking I'm either a fake or a much more hardcore sub than I am.
They're not the NC fantasy guys anyway, or the ageplay guys. They're the slut fantasy guys, and yeah, that's one of my fantasies too.
Go figure.
And I know that if you're a person with self-control, and you know that, no matter what the fantasy is, you need your playmate(s) to be a) old enough (of legal age), even if they, uh, aren't dressed that way, and b) consenting, then you're gonna be okay. Most people with age and/or nonconsent fantasies know them for fantasies, and don't act on them.
Also, a lot of people have fantasies about consensual, legal things that they still don't plan to act on for whatever reason... maybe they're not really into the same sex that much, but they like to think about it, or maybe they fantasize about a no-holes-barred gangbang but they're too nervous to ever arrange one. And then of course there's the soreness issue.
People fantasize every day about killing their bosses, raping or being raped, being intergalactic spies, or tying up and torturing somebody who really pissed them off. Most people have had a fantasy, whether sexual or not, about something they don't really want to do (or have done to them). Most people have self-control and most people can stop themselves from committing illegal and harmful acts.
Sure, a few years ago that whole powerless in the face of your physical/mental/emotional illness or dysfunction was glamourized. "I'm not strong enough, I can't help it" was a mantra. I think we're over that now.
Most people who play video games don't kill people, most people who watch porn don't rape people, and even most people who fantasize about forced sex don't force sex on people. (What we do know about force fantasies and rapists shows that violent behavior or lack of impulse control is a better indicator than fantasizing about rape.) Most people don't kill, rape, or intentionally, severely hurt people, period.
Let's see... I've fantasized about nonconsent, both giving and receiving. I've fantasized about sexually torturing people. I thought the kid who plays Harry Potter was very sexy when he was a yummy, jailbait 14. I have never, and will never, act(ed) on any of these (maybe unfortunately on that last one- hehe). Instead I rescue stray kittens and make my friends chicken soup when they're sick. I was a quiet honor student who loved SF/F books and Disney movies and barely dated all through high school. Et cetera.
I talk to guys with similar fantasies (replacing Harry Potter with me as a cute teen). Most guys, when you talk to them, you can tell they know how to draw the line. There are a couple- and just a couple, one or two- guys I talk to that don't seem to have a total grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality, but in their cases, I'm not sure how much of that is them thinking I'm either a fake or a much more hardcore sub than I am.
They're not the NC fantasy guys anyway, or the ageplay guys. They're the slut fantasy guys, and yeah, that's one of my fantasies too.
Go figure.
posted by Katie @ 11:37 PM
6 Comments:
At 10:58 AM,
lumpesse said…
I just saw the new Harry Potter the other night and felt like such a dirty perv. Thanks for the validation, Katie!
At 5:45 PM,
burning rubber said…
It's good to remind people now and then about the difference between fantasy and action... I think I was always pretty aware of that as regards other people, but for the longest time I never thought it applied to me. As a devoted scorpio, I felt it was my duty to try every kink. It took me a couple decades and more than a little uncomfortable experimentation to realize that not everything that gets me off in my head is such a great idea in bed. Knowing the difference makes both fantasy and reality more pleasurable.
At 2:39 PM,
Erik said…
Some people get out their fantasies with a friend or partner. Unfortunately, some people use their play sessions to fuel the fantasy further. I'm glad I have a lot of self control. I wish more people had it, tho.
At 4:43 PM,
Chibithulhu said…
People are sometimes afraid of fantasies. Perhaps it is because the things that stimulate their minds are frowned upon by your human laws. Perhaps it is becaus ethey fear that devoting time and energy to the fantasy will somehow take away from the real things that are important to them. Or perhaps it is because, on some deep, reflexive, collective-unconscious level, they know that fantasies can be doors to other worlds, doors through which uninvited things may enter their lives and this world
At 5:59 PM,
Nastasha said…
There is something delicious about sharing a really dark naughty fantasy with someone or coaxing one out of your partner. What makes it so electric is both people knowing it's a fantasy and that's what gives you the freedom to explore it in verbal actions. Dark fantasy has always been one of my favorite toys in my toy box.
Tying up a partner, blindfolding them, teasing my hands over their exposed body while their fantasy comes haultingly out of their lips, my fingertips pulling away whenever they stop out of humiliation (real or otherwise). Mmm, delicious, wonderful post!
At 6:42 PM,
Karl Elvis said…
I think the only people who don't grasp the difference between fantasy and action are the people who never have a fantasy about anything they don't really do.
It's so terribly difficult for that type to relate to those of us who want to play out a bad daddy/naughty girl fantasy, or a brutal rape fantasy.
No fucking imaginination, these people.
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